We all experience, at least once in our lives, the feeling of being unable to get out of bed because what we must face that day is something we don’t want to accept the reality of; if the very reality of something is too hard to process, then it is usually, to us, quite terrible. The sunlight diffusing through the fabric of my tent was unwelcome as it illuminated my hiding place from the problems ahead of me. As it forced my eyes open, I didn’t feel tired, but nevertheless went back to sleep to escape for just a while longer. I continued to do so until getting too hot to be in my sleeping bag, and having to face reality.
I felt physically and mentally weak. It must have been because I was hungry, but I didn’t feel it; my mind was occupied by something worse.
I caught the smell of the fear-inducing garlic sauce, which I had stupidly stored upside-down in my backpack and had opened over some of my kit the night before. I quarantined the affected items, luckily nothing that couldn’t be cleaned, and packed everything else away separately. That was one hurdle over with, now to move on to the next – Reaching Estonia.
The road in Latvia on which I now stood had low traffic, but I didn’t have any room to be worried about how long I could be waiting. Thankfully, it wasn’t for very long. A very serious Russian-looking man took me 1/3 of the way. He kept asking me if he could have my email address, to make “a business proposal” I would be interested in. I didn’t give him my real one.
As he let me out and drove away, the cursed glass garlic sauce bottle decided to fall out of my backpack’s side-pocket and shatter on the road. I begrudgingly picked up the bigger pieces and once again had the sauce on my hands. It was like closure when I threw the debris in the bin; now I could move on.
I was now only 100km from the border with Estonia, but the roads that go to border crossings, as I have learned the hard way, see very few cars going all the way.
My mind was somewhere else that day, and an hour passed by in what seemed like minutes. A truck approached, with an Estonian number plate, but I didn’t have hope for it stopping because trucks seldom do once they’re moving; they are going too fast to stop in good time. But after he passed, I heard brakes screeching and gravel crunching – “no way!” I whispered to myself, with a little bit of happiness restored.
He spoke no English, and I made a poor attempt to speak Russian, and we settled on comfortable silence after a few minutes. He took me all the way to Tartu, where I was to stay with my next Couchsurfing host, Tambet, for a few nights.
I now had a small walk into the center of the city where I would meet Tambet in a few hours’ time. I couldn’t follow my GPS, because my phone was very nearly out of battery. Instead, I used common sense and followed the main flow of traffic. I also couldn’t check my messages as regularly as I’d have liked, to see when he was free, but he told me “around 8pm,” so I checked once an hour.
I spotted a supermarket and, now that I had calmed down a bit, felt hungry again. I almost swallowed the sandwiches whole.
I looked up to the clear, blue sky and actually prayed for my visa application to come through. There was still hope – the visa agency was going to ask the embassy if there was any way around going to London for an interview. Deep down I knew it was almost impossible, but the hope kept me from flying home.
I caught a glimpse of myself in a car window. I looked miserable. I felt worse.
As I sat on a bench outside the shop, an elderly man approached me and curiously asked me some questions in Estonian. Despite being in Estonia, and speaking with an Estonian man, I expected him to speak English with me. I felt bad about that, but I can’t learn all the languages of all the countries I go through during this adventure.
Many people, including myself, were worried that, on this trip, I would be alone and when faced with problems such as the one on my doorstep now, I wouldn’t have anyone to help me. Thankfully, when one travels, there are always people who want to help, especially when you travel alone (and are as good-looking as me). Never on this journey have I felt truly alone, and never have I not had anyone to talk to and help me through tough times. Tambet asked me if I was okay when I met with him that evening, to which I replied “no, not really.”
We talked about it, and he reassured me that there is always hope, and that my problem wasn’t as bad as I perceived it to be. He was a good friend and said I could stay for longer that we had agreed, if I needed to. We came up with a few possibilities to get around the China visa problem: One was to fly back home to the UK, get the visa, and return to where I flew from; another was to go very quickly through Russia, the largest country in the world, covering 10,000km (or 400km/day), which was possible within my one month visa; we also speculated that I could go south into Africa, or backwards to America and reach Singapore that way; finally, we realized I could stay in Estonia and gain residency (the only requirement to apply for a Chinese visa outside of your home country). With all these possibilities being thought up over the course of an evening, I felt good again. And the next day, I felt excited to get out of bed.
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